Most people go into relationships thinking they are Gods gift to that person without really learning the psychological tools needed to sustain long-term relationships. Here are some tips to help us develop skills for building long-term relationships.
Learning how to listen
In a relationship, one of the greatest tools you can develop is the art of listening. To really understand your partner, you must listen to them, instead of simply assuming you know this person. There are times when we are having a conversation and we are not listening, we are simply waiting for our turn to reply. When we do this, we automatically reduce what our partner is trying to say. So once our partner is done talking, wait for about three seconds to respond, don’t immediately respond, let what your partner said marinate in your brain for a second. From this perspective we allow ourselves to understand our partners on a deeper intimate level because we really understand where they are coming from.
Do not wait to address problems.
Problems are like seeds, the more we water them in darkness, the more they grow. Once they finally break through and flower it no longer resembles the small seed we started with. Anger does not come out of nowhere, it starts as a small problem that doesn’t get addressed. In our minds, we may feel like addressing problems make them go away. That is not the case, when they resurface, they are stronger and much more powerful. So when a problem, issue, or a concern don’t let it slide, address it. To create long-term relationships we cannot hold secrets and hope we simply suppress them, no these things tend to blow up in our face.
Taking Care of You
When we think of long-term relationships, we often think of taking care of someone else. This is not the case. When consciously take care of our needs individually, we are more apt to be more giving to our partner. When two people practice self-love this creates an interdependent relationship. A relationship that provides an individual with space to grow and space to connect simultaneously. Under this model of relationships, it is easy to see why the relationship is more prone to last rather than crash because one person is dependent on another.
Celebrating the differences
It is easy to criticize and point out the differences in your partner but this will only alienate and isolate them. When we appreciate the differences in each other the bond grows stronger and the trust is the foundation for growth. It will be the differences that you too share that can help you navigate the confusing seas of life. Working together is a major key to long-lasting relationships.
Value your relationship.
Value your union. If you want it to last then you will be willing to work on it. If we take our relationship for granted, when we lose it, we may not be able to get it back. A daily conscious reminder that you are with someone you love and want to love should be something that makes you inspired to be a better person. Through value, we gain appreciation, from this we gain a long-term bond that will last past any disappointments.
Forgiveness is so key to long-lasting relationships. Forgiving yourself and others are key to continuing a relationship. If we can’t forgive there is no way we can have a happy existence with a person. When we forgive, we are giving ourselves a new outlook on a situation. If you are still feeling the same way, you have not truly forgiven. We must wipe the slate clean when dealing with people on a long-term basis, we must allow room for growth and change. When we are committed to a person, we are not just committed to the parts of them we like, we are committed to the whole experience of their life. We are not placed in peoples life to control them. At best we are placed in each other’s lives to assist and observe, from this perspective over a long period of time we are able to keep the relationship fresh and new. Through forgiveness, we are given new perspectives on love and life we once never could imagine.