Couples Therapy — Healthy Communication, Roles, Responsibilities, & Manipulation

 

When we are communicating with our partner we are exchanging ideas, emotions, and feelings.  If you are not healthy emotionally and mentally the communication may not be healthy and consequently is creating problems in your relationship.  Here are some tips we can begin to utilize to improve our relationships:

Find the Right Time

We have to be aware of our partner’s moods and feelings throughout the day.  If there are times of the day that they are more irritable than others (morning, just getting off work, focused on work), we may want to find the time when they are relaxed and open for a conversation.  We are not saying to suppress your feelings but definitely wait for the right time to communicate the things that are bothering us.

Talk Face to Face

In this day and age, we tend to do a lot of our communicating via electronic devices.  While telephone calls and text messages bring us together, they also put a healthy barrier between us.  Understanding that face to face communication is the healthiest form of communicating will strengthen your relationship.  It’s important to have that face to face talk time, even if you guys text and talk all day, feeding off the emotions and body language of your partner is how you adapt to one another fully.
Not Attacking

Verbal attacks are so easy and so damaging that we can see how they ruin potential longterm relationships.  Creating healthy relationships comes from healthy communication if we can not communicate without attacking there is no way we can continue the relationship in a healthy matter.
Honesty

Honest and Open communication is the key to healthy relationships.  When you don’t have healthy relationships, you have toxic relationships, these relationships you will have high hopes for but you will never progress.  You can only progress through healthy and open communication.  We must be honest with our partners even if we think it may hurt.  The key to this is to use “I” statements and speak your truth.   Do not make your problems your partners, even if it seems they are, we are ultimately responsible for our actions.

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Roles and Responsibility

Roles and Responsibility in relationships are linked to purpose.  If you guys are not in sync as far as goals and purpose are concerned, it will be hard to say if the relationship will be successful and fulfilling.  When there is too much compromise this creates resentment when it comes to roles and responsibilities in this scenario, it is only a matter of time before one person gets fed up and sabotages the partner.   To avoid this we must choose partners who have like-minded goals and purpose.  From this perspective, we can create plans and goals to begin to start working together to manifest these things we both agree will be good for us.  Constantly communicating when there needs to be an adjustment or if one of you need assistance creates a level of trust and cooperation that can be sustained for a long period of time.  If we are not on the same page, there will be long periods of time that we will be off of our purpose and path.  No one is worth you putting your goals on hold for a long period of time.  Find someone that supports or can fit within your life goals.  

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Manipulation

Manipulation is a way to secretly influence someone with indirect, deceptive, or abusive tactics.  Manipulation may seem harmless or sweet as if the person truly cares for you, but the reality is that person has an ulterior motive.  You may not realize you are being bullied.  If your family life was you being manipulated, then you may feel that manipulation is normal or even healthy.  There may be something deep within you that may feel this isn’t right but the person manipulating you may use sweet words or play on your guilt, and you override your instincts.  This is manipulation.  People who have trouble being direct may use manipulation to get their way.  So be direct and honest with people and let them show you their intentions with how they respond.

 

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