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When we are communicating with our partner we are exchanging ideas, emotions, and feelings. If you are not healthy emotionally and mentally the communication may not be healthy and consequently is creating problems in your relationship. Here are some tips we can begin to utilize to improve our relationships:
Find the Right Time
We have to be aware of our partner’s moods and feelings throughout the day. If there are times of the day that they are more irritable than others (morning, just getting off work, focused on work), we may want to find the time when they are relaxed and open for a conversation. We are not saying to suppress your feelings but definitely wait for the right time to communicate the things that are bothering us.
Talk Face to Face
In this day and age, we tend to do a lot of our communicating via electronic devices. While telephone calls and text messages bring us together, they also put a healthy barrier between us. Understanding that face to face communication is the healthiest form of communicating will strengthen your relationship. It’s important to have that face to face talk time, even if you guys text and talk all day, feeding off the emotions and body language of your partner is how you adapt to one another fully.
Verbal attacks are so easy and so damaging that we can see how they ruin potential longterm relationships. Creating healthy relationships comes from healthy communication if we can not communicate without attacking there is no way we can continue the relationship in a healthy matter.
Honest and Open communication is the key to healthy relationships. When you don’t have healthy relationships, you have toxic relationships, these relationships you will have high hopes for but you will never progress. You can only progress through healthy and open communication. We must be honest with our partners even if we think it may hurt. The key to this is to use “I” statements and speak your truth. Do not make your problems your partners, even if it seems they are, we are ultimately responsible for our actions.
Roles and Responsibility
Roles and Responsibility in relationships are linked to purpose. If you guys are not in sync as far as goals and purpose are concerned, it will be hard to say if the relationship will be successful and fulfilling. When there is too much compromise this creates resentment when it comes to roles and responsibilities in this scenario, it is only a matter of time before one person gets fed up and sabotages the partner. To avoid this we must choose partners who have like-minded goals and purpose. From this perspective, we can create plans and goals to begin to start working together to manifest these things we both agree will be good for us. Constantly communicating when there needs to be an adjustment or if one of you need assistance creates a level of trust and cooperation that can be sustained for a long period of time. If we are not on the same page, there will be long periods of time that we will be off of our purpose and path. No one is worth you putting your goals on hold for a long period of time. Find someone that supports or can fit within your life goals.
Manipulation is a way to secretly influence someone with indirect, deceptive, or abusive tactics. Manipulation may seem harmless or sweet as if the person truly cares for you, but the reality is that person has an ulterior motive. You may not realize you are being bullied. If your family life was you being manipulated, then you may feel that manipulation is normal or even healthy. There may be something deep within you that may feel this isn’t right but the person manipulating you may use sweet words or play on your guilt, and you override your instincts. This is manipulation. People who have trouble being direct may use manipulation to get their way. So be direct and honest with people and let them show you their intentions with how they respond.
Most people go into relationships thinking they are Gods gift to that person without really learning the psychological tools needed to sustain long-term relationships. Here are some tips to help us develop skills for building long-term relationships.
Learning how to listen
In a relationship, one of the greatest tools you can develop is the art of listening. To really understand your partner, you must listen to them, instead of simply assuming you know this person. There are times when we are having a conversation and we are not listening, we are simply waiting for our turn to reply. When we do this, we automatically reduce what our partner is trying to say. So once our partner is done talking, wait for about three seconds to respond, don’t immediately respond, let what your partner said marinate in your brain for a second. From this perspective we allow ourselves to understand our partners on a deeper intimate level because we really understand where they are coming from.
Do not wait to address problems.
Problems are like seeds, the more we water them in darkness, the more they grow. Once they finally break through and flower it no longer resembles the small seed we started with. Anger does not come out of nowhere, it starts as a small problem that doesn’t get addressed. In our minds, we may feel like addressing problems make them go away. That is not the case, when they resurface, they are stronger and much more powerful. So when a problem, issue, or a concern don’t let it slide, address it. To create long-term relationships we cannot hold secrets and hope we simply suppress them, no these things tend to blow up in our face.
Taking Care of You
When we think of long-term relationships, we often think of taking care of someone else. This is not the case. When consciously take care of our needs individually, we are more apt to be more giving to our partner. When two people practice self-love this creates an interdependent relationship. A relationship that provides an individual with space to grow and space to connect simultaneously. Under this model of relationships, it is easy to see why the relationship is more prone to last rather than crash because one person is dependent on another.
Celebrating the differences
It is easy to criticize and point out the differences in your partner but this will only alienate and isolate them. When we appreciate the differences in each other the bond grows stronger and the trust is the foundation for growth. It will be the differences that you too share that can help you navigate the confusing seas of life. Working together is a major key to long-lasting relationships.
Value your relationship.
Value your union. If you want it to last then you will be willing to work on it. If we take our relationship for granted, when we lose it, we may not be able to get it back. A daily conscious reminder that you are with someone you love and want to love should be something that makes you inspired to be a better person. Through value, we gain appreciation, from this we gain a long-term bond that will last past any disappointments.
Forgiveness is so key to long-lasting relationships. Forgiving yourself and others are key to continuing a relationship. If we can’t forgive there is no way we can have a happy existence with a person. When we forgive, we are giving ourselves a new outlook on a situation. If you are still feeling the same way, you have not truly forgiven. We must wipe the slate clean when dealing with people on a long-term basis, we must allow room for growth and change. When we are committed to a person, we are not just committed to the parts of them we like, we are committed to the whole experience of their life. We are not placed in peoples life to control them. At best we are placed in each other’s lives to assist and observe, from this perspective over a long period of time we are able to keep the relationship fresh and new. Through forgiveness, we are given new perspectives on love and life we once never could imagine.